When I grow up, I'm going to take a puppet to work with me everyday, especially at the tough job interview. It won't matter about whether or not I'm all sharply dressed, have the required skills and nice resume, or even if I'm worthy of the employer's time. What will matter is that I have a college degree in communications and that a nice puppet, and a little ventriloquism, can go a long way into the stoniest of employers' hearts, no matter how many ploys they pull to prevent my employment.

The Maher Home Course of Ventriloquism, in one of its excercises, says that Birthdays are Pleasant for Presents. It's quite a tongue twister but very true. It says this not because it's true, but because B and P are difficult to say in ventriloquism. B & P must either be substituted with G and K/T or animate the puppet in such a way that the viewer does not see the ventriloquist's mouth move.

You must be wondering what does ventriloquism have to do with birthdays, other than they are both pleasant for presents? Or wondering what it has to do with getting a job? You would be surprised at all the things in reality that have to do with getting older, recieving gifts, playing games, and fooling people into thinking that an inanimate doll is wisecracking and telling jokes.

They all go together and can be linked to getting a real job, going to school, and impressing the pretty girl who won't otherwise talk to you [I'm probably making this last one up].
Last week I went to a group interview at the Creative Discovery Science Theatre and had to make a speech on quantum physics. I did my best: I smiled when I talked, I was animated to describe the life-cycles of stars and black holes, and how in theory we can use holes in space to travel. The interview was a game.

It didn't matter if I knew about quantum physics: but it did matter whether or not I could speak without being nervous. I'm not sure that I pulled it off: they haven't call me back since. But I'm sure if I had a puppet with me I could have nailed it.

Of course I could have made a puppet out of my hand or a paper towel, but I was convinced it would not be professional or fair to other potential employee contestants. It wasn't about professionalism: it was about being relaxed while thinking fast in a tight situation.

So now that I'm 28, I'm older and wiser: I now know that next time I apply at a group interview and communication skills are a must,
I'll bring a puppet with me to help play the game.